He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
