Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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