I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
