he puts the penis in happiness.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
