i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
