Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
