the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
