is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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