were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize