He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
