yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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