Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
