Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
