Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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