im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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