Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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