dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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