we're blogging at a bar
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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