All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
