Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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