I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
