Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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