I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
