Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
