When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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