the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
