I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
