youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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