Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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