Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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