Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Randomize
