He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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