So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
being pregnant is like rehab
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize