i just wanna soil my oats bro
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
