HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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