can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
