Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
