lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The struggles of a small town man whore
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
