I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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