am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
