shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
