Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
