i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
