I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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