Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
