just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
