i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Randomize
