I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
