I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
