Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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