also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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