Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
