I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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