I want to have your abortion
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
