were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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