the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
