You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I want her autograph on my taint
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
