If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
