Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
