I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
