Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
