that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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