This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
