So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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