In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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