I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
