i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
