Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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