Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
