Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize