Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
