I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
