can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize