You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
