I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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